– Julius Malema says he doesn’t have presidential ambitions. Incidentally a heroin addict asked me if he can have some many for food and a lift to Windsor East. Just saying
– An image posted on social media granny and her young grandson were attacked and reduced to tears by Pick n Pay staff after her broke a chocolate. It’s Pick n Pay I feel sorry for here. How can any chain hope to survive with a. not respect for the elderly b. no sympathy for kids c. no understanding of how easy it is for your ass to get burned by social media. Off to the naughty corner with you!
– What the hell? Three reported incidents of dogs attacking people today. Who let the dogs out? (who.. who…)
– German scientists are busy on a technique that could save millions of baby chickens from being shredded to death moments after they hatch by detecting the sex of chicks before they hatch. Which means that the female chickens are still fucked as instead of being shredded to death they get to live a life of misery in a battery farm – a fate worse then death. *end of vegan rant
– Xenophobic attacks are taking place all over the world. Aliens come to visit and decide not to hang around us because we are idiots.
– Idols SA winner scores mega Disney deal. And he rescues the princess, and they live happily ever after in a magic castle with singing animals all around… or did I misunderstand that?
– Kim Kardashian West tries to upstage Beyoncé with erotic pics. Keep up the fight girls, we all hate paying for porn.
THE GOOD NEWS: Not a single musician I like died today (to the best of my knowledge)
SPORTS: I have decided to create a new sport and take to Olympic level. It’s called Insecurity and has categories like “crippling self doubt”, “self-loathing”, “second guessing yourself”, “overanalyzing” and “putting yourself down” amongst others. You will be judged by a panel of judges who will question their decision. The best place is also the worst. The winner gets to doubt whether he/she deserves the prize, decide they are a loser and never compete again.
FASHION: Tattoos are hot.